How I Mask at Work Without Realising It
A raw, honest take on ADHD, perfection, and pretending to be “fine”
Lets Start Here - What is Masking, Anyway?
Masking is what happens when you hide or suppress parts of yourself to fit in.
In ADHD and neurodivergent communities, it’s pretending to be “normal” — whatever the hell that means. It’s putting on a persona so no one sees the chaos, the stimming, the spirals, or the meltdowns.
You become someone else just to survive the day.
And at work? Masking is everywhere. From “professional” small talk to suppressing every urge to scream during backlog grooming, we do it to stay employed, accepted, and safe.
But it comes at a cost.
TL;DR
I thought I was just doing what everyone else did to be successful at work.
But really, I was (up until my diagnosis) hiding my ADHD the whole time — and it slowly wore me down.
I didn’t even realise I was masking until my psychiatrist explained this to me, The years of being burnt out completely has taken it's toll.
Let’s Be Real
I used to think I was just… intense.
Obsessively over-preparing. Rehearsing Slack messages like they were TED Talks. Watching how other people behaved in meetings and copying it — like some weird movie improv.
I thought I was just “trying to be better.”
Turns out, I was just trying to pass the grade and it's exhausting.
I Only Realised I Was Masking After My ADHD Diagnosis
Before that, I thought it was just what you do to “keep up” in tech.
You read the room. You adjust. You don’t show the chaos.
You pretend you’re not drowning — and then wonder why you’re tired.
I had this deep-rooted fear — probably from some bullshit corporate environment — that if I ever showed how hard it actually was to keep everything together, I’d be seen as less. It's wild how the wrong environment doesn’t just miss you — it makes you feel like a problem.
So I built this ultra-reliable, super-articulate, always-has-a-deck version of myself.
It works…Until it doesn't... More on that in a bit
What Masking Looked Like For Me
- Preparing for meetings like it was a PhD paper
- Perfecting my Slack replies (tone of voice? emojis?? punctuation??? help.)
- Mimicking how others spoke or structured how they present updates
- Sitting on video calls trying not to blink weirdly or accidentally interrupt - I cant tell you how difficult this is.
- Saying “yep all good” while my brain was screaming into a void
I presume people thought I was calm, professional, even “chill.” - Who knows - this is the horrid self doubt and analysis showing it's head even as I write this...
I Thought It Was Just “Being Professional”
You ADHD lot know the drill:
- “Smile more.”
- “Don’t fidget.”
- “Make eye contact.”
- “Say something smart in the meeting.”
- “Don’t let them see you sweat.”
- “Everyone else is doing fine — what’s wrong with you?”
What’s wrong with me? Nothing. - I'm just built for pretending to be neurotypical eight hours a day.
So Did The Mask Ever Slip? YES!
Earlier this year, at a company I worked for, I was asked to change my weekly routine overnight — from driving 300 miles once a month to doing it every single week.
No warning. No check-in. No “Hey, is this going to work for you?”
That shift — that complete disregard for how I work — was the moment my mask fell off.
Let’s just say... that meeting did not go well.
It wasn’t just disappointment. It was rage.
Rage that no matter how hard I try, I’m still expected to behave like everyone else. Speak like everyone else.
I kept trying to explain what I needed. I really did.
But the understanding just wasn’t there.
And look — I get it. Businesses make business decisions.
But would you ask someone in a wheelchair to just “walk into the office” every week?
Same vibe.
(Okay, maybe a little extreme — but not by much.)
What Happens When the Mask Comes Off?
I get home and crash.
Proper shutdown. Can't speak. Can't think. Can't even decide what to eat.
Snapping at people I love. Feeling like shit.
Burnout — not from the work, but from performing like someone who didn’t have ADHD all day.
Seriously — how do neurotypicals do this every day without combusting?
And the worst part?
When I’m not in work-mode, I don’t even know who I am.
This is the issue. You mask for so long that “me” was just... gone.
This is another reason why I have 101 hobbies, it allows me time not to be me... It's hard writing that but being me makes me anxious, uneasy because I'm faced with something that I have no idea how to deal with... Calm, relaxed me.. Bonkers!
Going a bit deeper on this — The question is was “me” ever really there??
42 years of masking.
The Grief Hit Hard
The realisation that I have been masking my whole life felt like a gut punch.
Because once you see it, you start replaying your whole career through that lens.
Every job. Every meeting. Every moment you twisted yourself into someone more “acceptable.”
All that effort.
All that pain.
And for what?
A seat at a table that wasn’t even built for you?
So… Now What?
I haven’t figured it all out yet.
I still catch myself masking. Still find myself rehearsing responses. Still say “I’m good!” when I’m two Slack pings away from a full shutdown.
But I know it now. And that’s a start.
I’m learning to unmask, even just a little.
To say, “Actually, I need a bit more time.”
To stim on camera. To not apologise for my brain.
To show up as me — even if “me” is a bit much.
The biggest thing though - I changed roles into a company that understanding and willing to work with me, which is amazing as it allows me the freedom to try and work out who I am,
Advice from me - If you've ever read an article that states don't mention ADHD to a future employer, ignore it.
I know for some that being faced with some one with ADHD might be a step into the unknown for an employer but if they can't work with someone that has amazing skill then that is not the table you want to be sat at,
Now if you are an employer that doesn't understand ADHD and would generally step away from employing some one - let me give a brief run down of what we can bring - I will write another article on this in the future.
1. Hyperfocus Superpower
2. Creative Problem Solving
3. Crisis Mode = God Mode
4. Systems Thinkers
5. Empathetic AF
6. Relentlessly Curious
7. Innovators and Hackers
8. Resourceful as Hell
9. Authentic Communicators
10. Adaptable, Resilient, and Still Showing Up
Lastly, Why I’m Writing This
Because if you're reading this thinking “Shit… this is me” — I want you to know:
You’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
And masking isn’t sustainable — it’s survival.
But we deserve more than survival.
We deserve to show up fully.
Even if we show up weird, fidgety, quiet, loud, late, brilliant, burnt out — or all of the above.
Let’s drop the act. One layer at a time.
